Trump crowd lady 2
Trump crowd lady

Obi-Wan Was Right

"Who's the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?"--Obi-Wan Kenobi

But Trumpers are actually worse than just fools (either citizens duped by a lifetime con artist or politicians thinking they can ride his star anywhere but straight into the ground).

They're enablers.

They feed Trump's delusions of superiority and bloated, sweaty ego, turning him into an orange, hairy, political version of The Blob--constantly growing, feeding off them, becoming increasingly dangerous.

Basically, Trump is addicted to himself, and these are his pushers.

The Unusual Suspects

These are just some of the Enablers. The Top Guns. The worst of the worst. A lot of the time you might not see them, since they're stuck so far up Trump's ass. But once in a while they crawl out into the light. We present them here as a public service and we'll add to them as time goes on. If you approach them, be careful, as they are armed [with lies] and [consider the truth] extremely dangerous.

Kellyanne Conway

Mistress of Propaganda

Barbie Goebbels herself. No lie is too big, no spin too absurd for this queen of the canard. Already her work has been game-changing for professional liars: she's said that the Trump Misadministration's lies are just "alternative facts" and, putting that concept into practice, made up the nonexistent "Bowling Green Massacre" to defend Trump's Muslim ban. Rumor has it she once told the truth, just to see how if feels, and immediately vomited pig's blood for a solid hour. She also dresses like the Nutcracker for formal events, which is hella strange.

Sean Spicer

The Mouth of Sauron

Remember Baghdad Bob, who claimed, on camera, that there were no American tanks in the city when they could be seen behind him? That guy was a fucking amateur compared to Sean Spicer. On just his first day on the job, Spicer claimed Trump's inauguration was the biggest in history, period! (Fun fact: it wasn't even the biggest gathering in Washington DC that weekend.) He also has, for years, waged a Twitter war against Dippin' Dots ice cream. Seriously, Google it.

Chris Christie

His Lardship

The OG of enablers. Before enabling Trump was cool, he was already Miles Fucking Davis. After getting trampled in the GOP primaries like a Wal-Mart shopper on Black Friday, he threw his considerable weight behind Trump, no doubt hoping for a delicious appointment. Instead, Trump brought him on stage, made fun of him, then cast him aside. He crawled back to Jersey, where some claim he's been seen crying in his funnel cake at the boardwalk, alone, wearing a Bruce Springsteen Born In The USA Tour mumu.